A version of how I thought my life would look died today. Now my life will look different.

I am afraid.

There are thousands of other stories my life might tell, but I don’t know any of them. I haven’t imagined them once. This unknown future is terrifying for my ego and its need for control.

I want to be important. I want to win life. I attach my worth to the outcome of riches, status, fame, intelligence, and independence. I know that life is for living, not winning. But why is it so hard to let it go?

I do not know.

I will not become my heros. I can’t.

I will become my own self which has never been done before.

I cannot control the outcomes of my efforts. I cannot win the games others have set up for me play. So many of us will not be famous. So many will not be rich. The games we play can only allow 1 winner and the rest of us.

I can control what I do. I can control what I choose to do.

I will be honest. I will be kind. I will make good things. I will forgive. I will have self-control. I will be for life. I will see the richness of life in the plants, rocks, animals and people around me. I will seek friendship. I will listen to children. I will be patient with immaturity. I look for the specialness in you, because if you are special, maybe so am I.

God help me.

I do not know my future, yet when I think of unknown possibilities, there is an excitement as well.